Part Two

Question: What do you love the most about being a man or woman? (part one)

“I…really like being a gentleman…I think the maturity and chivalry that comes from that is both fulfilling and incredibly positive towards your relationships with others. Simple things like holding doors for ladies or showing appreciation just make me feel really masculine, for lack of a better word.” -Adam

“The role of protector of the innocent is probably my favorite part of being a man. The God-given ability to protect women and children is vitally important, and it’s clear that God designed us with this purpose.” -Jake

“The role of a man—the protector provider.” -Michael

“I think it’s cool to be in the position of leader in a way girls can’t occupy in the same way…I aspire towards and admire being a leader [and] being a warrior/protector…They’re all things that men are designed to occupy in a greater way so it’s just cool to be in that position.” -Caleb

“Being called to be a protector, provider, and leader of a family.” -Eli

“Being called to lead…” -Jonathan

“Taking care of other people, women and kids look up to you…men are seen as a leader for everyone.” -Ollie

“I appreciate the opportunity to be the head of my home, although sometimes it’d be really nice to have someone else be the head. I appreciate the way my daughters look up to me. The opportunity to help teach them and ideally give them a proper view of what their future husband should be like. The opportunity to be the main provider, to do the hard things that need to be done.” -Matt

“The opportunity. I feel like I could do anything.” -Justin

“Not that men can’t be nurturing, but I love that women are naturally more nurturing. It’s a special kind of care for others that’s distinct from the way men will show care.” -Kailie

“The natural tendency to want to care for and nurture others. Motherly instinct, I guess. We’re also the ones that bring new life into the world like?? [sic] God chose us for that and that’s so cool.” -Victoria

“BABIES [emphasis not added]! Our bodies are designed to create and support life!” -Sarah

“I appreciate the closeness of breastfeeding. It’s like a built-in part of being a woman.” -Amanda

“You can give life, although sometimes that’s not a granted request, but you can still nurture.” -Joanna

There is a biological difference between men and women. Women are the ones who bring life into the world in a fascinating, complex developmental process. Men simply cannot perform this kind of feat, no matter what kinds of surgeries they get and no matter how anyone identifies. That is not an attack on anyone’s identity, but rather a commonly understood fact of biology. It is interesting how so many people who would support identifying against biological nature are often the same ones who advocate the most for extreme environmentalism, clamor endlessly about climate change, and insist that nature is all there is (as seen in naturalism, which is very closely related to humanism). And yet, humans are somehow separate from nature and its laws? If nature is all there is, why do they insist upon gender as a societal construct and not simply a reflection of one’s biological sex? Is it because they are their own gods, and therefore anything they believe is “law”?

Meanwhile, men have a natural tendency to want to lead, provide, and protect—or do they? An article by a “Leadership & Executive Coach, Performance & Success Alchemist, Professional Certified Coach (PCC), [and] Author” (Terranova, 2022) states that men do not have the inherent responsibility to lead, provide, and protect. Terranova argues that men have an awful track record for leadership—which is backed by Jake’s acknowledgment of the highs and lows of man’s achievements:

“Interestingly enough, you can credit men for the greatest works of art, the greatest religious reformations, the scientific movement, the most important inventions and discoveries, and the greatest leaders in world history. But you can also credit men with the worst crimes ever committed, the deadliest inventions, the destruction of nature, a vast majority of all murders committed, most suicides, and pretty much all wars and mass exterminations.”

In the grand scheme of things, men often fail in what people may claim are “inherent responsibilities”. According to Terranova (2022), referring to something as being inherent means that it is “existing in someone as a permanent, essential, or characteristic attribute”. So, he says, men cannot have an inherent responsibility towards leading, providing, and protecting. After all, men have led the people to wars and destruction, single mothers are left to provide for themselves and their children, and men make up the biggest threat to women and children. I suggest that men do not have an inherent responsibility to lead, protect, and provide, but rather a God-given responsibility. Also, they are naturally more equipped to fulfill these roles. There are no genes for being masculine or feminine the way there are biological markers for being male or female. Although outliers, there are masculine women and feminine men. While I believe masculinity to be a combination of both personality and lifestyle, looking only at the personality aspect still offers a great deal of insight into masculine versus feminine energy. What is often mistaken for being a man or woman is the traits associated with the sexes—men are more dominant and emotionally stable, women are more nurturing and anxious. This has led to cultural ideas such as “men don’t cry” and “women always overreact”.

In reality, these traits are just that—personality traits. Men are, on average, more assertive, emotionally stable, risk-takers, etc. and women are, on average, more conscientious, agreeable, sensitive…the list continues. However, both sexes can have these personality traits. In fact, it is healthiest to have some kind of balance between traditionally feminine and masculine traits. The misunderstanding of how these traits work in masculine and feminine energy is why so many “girlish boys” and “boyish girls” are being told to transition to the opposite sex, ultimately creating more confusion and hurt.

No one is born a leader, but anyone can learn to be one. Seeing how men are more likely to have the personality traits that suit a leadership position, it is only natural that they are more likely to be leaders in relationships, government, and the economy. Add these masculine qualities of leadership to the lifestyle commanded by God and voila, you have the recipe for a man who is a good leader, provider, and protector. Men only fail in this role because they are exactly that—men. As for women, it used to be a universally understood fact that they are unique for being the only sex capable of giving birth. Something about carrying a baby in one’s womb for nine months creates a very special kind of bond between a mother and her child. The bond between father and child can never compare to a mother’s love. Going back to my previous point on personality traits that are more common among men or women, women seem to be better caregivers than men due to scoring higher on personality traits such as agreeableness—meaning they are more altruistic, compassionate, and nurturing (Costa et al., 2001; Feingold, 1994). Of course, in the same way men fail in their roles because they are but men, women fail in their roles because they are but women. To err is human.

Question: What do you love the most about being a man or woman? (part two)

“I really do appreciate my male friendships as I’ve gotten older, and I think it’s just that male brotherhood that really only comes from shared male existence.” -Adam

“Time with da boyz [sic].” -Jonathan

“Being able to be homies with someone even if we get mad at each other…we can chill later usually.” -Noah

“I love the relationships women are able to build. I love being able to support girls and be supported by other girls, maybe even ones I met the day before! I am constantly surrounded by encouragement and love.” -Sarah

“Same-sex friendships are criminally underrated. Most of my friends are guys, but I feel so much more appreciation for my female friendships because there’s a special kind of bond that just can’t exist with a guy-girl friendship.” -Kailie

Even if researchers working from an evolutionary perspective are unsure of what purpose friendships served in survival, God created humans to be social creatures. Plenty of research has shown how loneliness has an adverse effect on physical health (an increase in morbidity and mortality, cardiovascular disease, and poor quality of sleep) and psychological well-being (association with personality disorders and psychoses, depression and suicide, and impaired cognitive performances) (Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010). Relationships with both sexes are important, but there is a unique connection that comes from the shared experience of being a man or a woman. Opposites may attract, but similarities bind. Same-sex friendships are essential to a fulfilling and well-rounded human experience.

As God created us to be social creatures, He also laid out a design for fulfilling and edifying friendships. Psalm 133:1, Proverbs 17:17, 18:24, 27:9, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, John 15:12-15, Romans 12:10-18, Colossians 3:12-13, and 1 Thessalonians 5:11 are only a small handful of Scriptures that speak to the importance of biblically grounded friendships. There are also plenty of passages that attest to the consequences of surrounding ourselves with ungodly people. As women and men often carry different crosses (e.g., men struggle more with pornography and women with anxiety), confidence and comfort from a same-sex role model and friend are priceless. Understanding the struggles of the opposite sex is important and requires good communication and grace, but there is a specific time and place for cross-sex edification in overcoming personal sin. Receiving counsel from a same-sex parent, mentor, or friend is especially important in youth and single people.

Question: What do you love the most about being a man or woman? (part three)

“We have the ability to remain logical/rational in extreme or emotionally stressful circumstances, we are physically stronger, and we (if raised correctly) have a strong moral compass that is separate from how we deal with emotion.” -Jake

“I…value physical ability a lot and guys are…superior in that department. I aspire towards and admire being driven more by logic than emotions.” -Caleb

“Being able to pee in the woods is nice. Being stronger is nice too.” -Eli

“Getting to do hard, physical tasks…” -Jonathan

“Men can’t create babies like women can, but we’ll build the world—that’s why men are so often builders and craftsmen.” -Leslie

“I love being able to wear pretty girly clothes and do ‘girly’ things. I also like that I can cry more openly without being judged as much as a man would be.” -Kailie

“Wearing pretty much whatever we want…wearing killer outfits I feel like guys don’t really have as many options as women.” -Rachel

“I like the different types of styles for clothes, and I like how ‘complex’ we can be. We have more heart and soul and MORE FEELINGS [emphasis not added].” -Hope

“I love being seen as ‘complex’. No one ‘understands’ because I as a woman feel like I don’t understand my complexities and that’s ok…I am always ok with crying! It’s nothing to push down or away but instead, something to embrace and a way to bond with others. I love being girly! Yes, I love to do my hair. Yes, I love to have my nails painted. Yes, I love to wear makeup.” -Sarah

“I like that we can dress up in creative ways instead of just like a suit.” -Abigail

Modern Western culture dictates that traditionally masculine traits like leadership capability, valuing logic over emotion, and aspiring toward physical strength are toxic or oppressive toward women. Meanwhile, traditionally feminine things such as caring about appearances are seen as shallow and unimportant, the complexity of feminine nature is irritating, and women are simply overreacting in their typical manner if they cry. The truth of the matter is that, when done correctly, traditionally masculine and feminine traits and behaviors are healthy and desired.

To put it simply, men who use their natural capacity to lead selfishly become oppressive; men who shun emotionality in favor of rationality become hurtful; and men who use physical strength to force submission become feared and hated instead of respected and loved. Women who lack security and healthy confidence use appearance as an identity; women who lack self-awareness and personal growth use their complexity as an excuse; and women who lack control and understanding use crying as a manipulation technique. I suggest the following: for men, learn what it means to lead with excellence, to balance logic with emotion, and to use strength for health and help; for women, learn how to enjoy pampering without appearance becoming all-consuming, how to become self-aware and grow, and how to control oneself instead of others.

The result is men and women who set aside their desires to focus more on others. Is this not the human decency everyone is so hard-pressed to find? The answer is always being less selfish and more selfless, less prideful and more humble (see Proverbs 13:10, 28:25, Romans 15:1-3, Philippians 2:3-4, 2:21, Galatians 5:26, and 1 John 3:17).